Rainbows and unicorns.
I was informed that this is NOT what life is about. Actually it was a quote
that I used to use,just to be sort of realistic about life - when things weren't so great, and it was thrown back in my face. It's no secret
that after last year, I gained new perspective. I wasn't at all a
pessimist before last year - quite the opposite actually, but maybe a little guarded and knew that along with the great things, a sour thing or two can follow. Back before my life was turned upside down in
a flash and my mindset changed. It has been over a week since I last
posted here and one of those reasons for my lack of writing was my
pondering over this matter.
I will admit that most days I actually DO feel like my life is all
rainbows and unicorns..... Yes, I know some of you will find that hard
to believe, but it's true. Any of my close friends who have been around
me in the last 8 months or so, will agree. Maybe it was when I was able
to make Eddie a house dog.... Or maybe this happened when I started
being able to connect with Rose. I hadn't given it too much thought
until I was scolded last weekend by a friend that seemed to be in
disbelief that my life could be so pleasant. She accused me of
PRETENDING my life was so magical. Now, this is a friend that I have had
to distance for various reasons for the last several months, but it did
make me wonder... Am I pretending? I like to think I am a pretty
straightforward gal. And have even been accused of being too blunt or
brutally honest at times. I'm not really good at sugar coating, but also
don't think this is a bad thing. I grew up hearing the saying 'the
truth hurts' and if this is true of me, then yes, I am having a hard time swallowing.....
I talked to Christian about it, as well as my sister, and some other
folks (because I pride myself on being open and upfront) and they
reminded me that I was very open and honest about my struggles last
year, difficulties I had with my sister, the loneliness I felt from
being away from Christian and the sadness from losing Baby. I deserve
freakin' rainbows and unicorns after last year, damnit!
I was given a very clear reminder yesterday when Facebook reminded me of
a blog entry from one year ago, June 23, 2015. It was very clear that
YES, I was struggling- even after being able to come home. There right
in front of the world to see.....but another thing I noticed about my
entry was that I was choosing to also acknowledge the little glimmers of
hope. Some people cannot do that, but growing up the way me and my
brother did, our mom instilled that little ray of light - the open road
ahead of possibility - into our little heads at a young age. Yeah, life
isn't all rainbows and unicorns, but if that is what you are seeking,
you can very well achieve it. It is all about perspective, and last year
I was slapped in the face hard with changes that forced me into a new
one.
I was wrong about a lot of things last year. Wrong about my sister for
one. All of the really ugly times we had last year, I am seeing were due
to her own journey in the grieving process. I mean, to be 15 is hard
all by itself. Then imagine losing the most important person in your
life in a split second. We both were 'dealing'. We both didn't
understand each other's process. It didn't mean we didn't love each
other and could count on each other, but our relationship had a lot of
static and communication was choppy and unclear at times. Now, I am so
proud to say that with time, we have healed.... And we can both look
back on last year and chuckle at some of the things that were
deal-breakers at the time.
I have chosen to surround myself with beauty. I have chosen to put in
the hard work that pays me in the most beautiful ways out at the farm.
Some days that is the prettiest sunset you've ever seen as a backdrop to
the most stunning farm beauties! Some days it is finding a patch of
wild blackberries and having a picking party with my sis and then making
a pie. Most days seem to have some sort of treasure to be seen. Some
days I have to look really hard for it, others not so much. My sister
has been spending lots of time with me 'working' on the farm this summer
and she will even tell ya that it really isn't like work at all and it
is actually fun to bond over breaking up piles of horse poo and yard
work- these are the things my dad would be including her in.... It's fun
for both of us and we get to figure out life through conversations and
laughter while sweating and rolling up our sleeves.....
So yeah, life isn't ALL rainbows and unicorns, but it can be damn near
close if that's what you want. Your outlets in life do actually define
your level of happiness in my opinion. That is why they are outlets.
They provide a release from stress and any uncertainty. That turns into
happy for me. It's a cycle. Without the opportunity to do what you love,
your mental and emotional state will suffer. Whatever you think of me,
whether you know me personally or just through the blog, I hope it is
obvious that my little slice of heavenly farm does make me truly happy. I
like to think that it is evident in the photos of my animals even. I do
believe that whether you have cats or dogs or horses and goats, whatever
their temperament is, however skittish or content they seem, IS a
reflection of the care they are receiving and my crew is pretty happy
without a doubt! I love pretty much every minute of it. Except when Rose
pitches a fit for hoof trimming....then it's a little embarrassing, but
I can too see why she is the way she is ;)
Long story long, I walked away from the almost 10 year friendship
mentioned in the beginning of this post. With the year I had last year, I
really truly do not have time for unnecessary drama
and negativity in my life. Life can be snatched away in an instant, and I
want to fill my days with rainbows and unicorns if possible- and I will
never, ever stop reaching for that!
Happy Friday y'all! Please feel free to tell me your thoughts.....
Xoxo!
-s
Sandice,
ReplyDeleteYou have always been, and still are, an inspiration to me. I can relate to what you have written. The name of my Tumbler is Marshmallows and Bubbles. A dear friend once said to me, "you know, life will never be all marshmallows and bubbles!" It was said with content and in a disparaging way. I have often been criticized as being 'too positive' and have even been accused of having a agenda when I compliment people. Well, my truth is that I know life is beautiful and every moment brings a gift of opportunity. It's simple to me. Like you, I choose to remember that there is beauty in everything. Even the growth we experience through hard times and pain. We have an opportunity to remember what we are grateful for.
We both share a love for the earth and it's bounty as well as the critters all around.
I believe all the answers are in Nature.
I follow your posts weekly. They give me a glimpse into your little slice of Paradise!
I am blessed to be a part of your life.
My daughter in law extroardinaire!
💋☺️ LOVE!