This day last year I had just clocked in TWENTY YEARS at my office job just four days prior. It is shocking how quickly time can slip away… 20 years! 

A few months later, the small family owned company I worked for, let me know that my loyalty meant nothing when they were “eliminating my position due to a change in the current business model”.

No ‘heads up’.

No severance.

And right before the Holidays.

Rewind 20 years before I started that job, I bartended, was doing fashion shows, commissioned one of a kind clothing, sometimes working as a production assistant for film, and a cashier at a little downtown drug store. I always had little jobs that secured the essentials while allowing me the headspace and time to pursue my artistic endeavors. 

Anyhoo, the moral of the story is….

It’s never too late to start living with intention. 

To conduct life in a way that matters and feeds your soul. 

Sometimes the universe doles out what you need, and sometimes it seems abrasive and abrupt, but eventually you’ll see the reasons. 

As much as I was horrified at how I was tossed out like trash, when I drove out of the parking lot of my former job, I actually caught butterflies in my stomach and had this feeling that was vaguely familiar. A feeling similar to when I graduated high school. The fact that Pat Benatar’s “We Belong” just happened to be playing on the radio when I turned the key, made it hilarious and almost seem surreal - like I was living some scene from a movie.  

I was excited - but scared. I was optimistic - but panicked. 

All in all though, I felt FREE.

I wasn’t *their* fault that I had been reduced down to just a piece of their business model. It was my own - after all, I allowed it, and never even realized it until they let me go so effortlessly in a four minute meeting.

Since then, I’ve called the shots. 

I’ve chosen when I want to work, what I want to do, and where I want to be. I’ve jumped back in to the things I loved and pursued before that job - sewing and thrifting and finding a place for vintage gems. Photography and spray paint and manipulating prints. The times have changed since 2001 for the better though, and the opportunities with online seekers of things are endless. It’s a hustle, but a fun one. One that feeds my soul. One that reconnects me to the 24-year-old that took the office job despite her dreams of wanting to be involved in fashion in some way.

Never again will I have an office job - it’s not for me and it never was, but I settled for the ‘benefits’ package. When you are 24, and feeling like an adult, procuring a job with insurance and paid ‘days off’ seems like the grown-up thing to do. 

Sure, I’ve had some panicked moments full of uncertainty since then because I’d become dependent on that ‘anchor’ job, but my heart is full and my days are spent living them now. 

As I’ve said before, time comes for us all, but we never know when. I know for sure that when my time comes, I won’t have regrets about where I’m at, what I’m doing, or what I didn’t get to do. I’m doing it all, now. 

Hellooooooooo, 46!  

Happy New Year to me! Now that I’m getting in the swing of this new way of life and actually paying attention to my own needs & and emotional fitness, I’m gonna start adding more focus on my physical fitness. I deserve it and I have no excuse - I create my own schedule now!



No comments:

Post a Comment