1.02.2022

sunday morning rainy day ramblings....

Life is beautiful... Each day when we wake, how sweet it is we have the opportunity to rise, start over, to fix things, change our thinking, or recognize a few more things to be grateful for than the day before?

I am really happy to be back here blogging, having the opportunity each day to drink my coffee and reflect.... It truly is such an organic outlet for me, journaling...

this morning I am making plans with an old friend to meet a few dogs at the shelter - someone who worked next door to the shop I worked at over 25 years ago. My 'smoke breaks' back then weren't smoking breaks, but instead were little meetups between both the shops we worked to get lost and explore the forgotten upstairs of the old building I worked in. There was old inventory up there spanning at least four decades. Wow. Time flies. To even think about all the friendships I managed to form through a life before the most recent job I held for just over twenty years.... all of my relationships/ friendships are not taken lightly. I am picky and I don't call acquaintances friends - I am well aware of the difference between the two, but my friendships are solid and loyalty and honesty is the foundation.... I am still friends with the folks from the bar job I landed when I was 19! I cherish solid friendships, even when miles or time limits conversations.

The recent job where my position was 'eliminated', I would have never willingly left, because of my loyalty. Sadly, in hindsight, as emotionally unhealthy as it was, I should have left at least a decade ago.... The bureaucracy of that workplace was something else, that's for sure. The owner and his "because I am the boss, and this is the way I want it, and it doesn't matter if it makes sense" caveman mentality was difficult to grin and bear to say the least, but I did, and yes, that was his reasoning for lots of things that made zero sense. 

I think I felt like by staying, it would really validate my position in the world somehow, and that being able to stay in a situation like that was almost like a challenge and I am always up for a good challenge. As my daddy would say, I was always 'sitting on GO'. I never started working there as a career move, but the pay was good and each passing year that I was able to complete, felt oddly validating as someone who never attended college, and was seen as an asset in this male dominated industry.

Despite the "good ol' boy" management team I had become the only female of,  I adored most of my coworkers. It is no secret the obstacles I had to overcome/ work through/ turn a blind eye to, but this outlet - the blog, my regular readers have read, shared their opinions, and kept up over the years every time I have written about it. 

There has been no shortage of documenting the incidences and anytime someone would comment with shock and horror, it validated in my opinions about how things were at this company over the years..... 


I have one word that sums up the feeling I have had since driving off the lot of the place I devoted decades to: L I B E R A T E D. It was such a toxic, demoralizing place for women who were constantly dismissed, and I cannot express in words the freeing feeling that washed over me when I drove away, but it was close to ecstatic..... 

I cannot explain why I felt the need to build on this 'standard way of living' with my head down and doing as I was told, and to only speak when spoken to when I was not raised this way. 

Anywaaaaaay, I am glad that chapter is over and it couldn't have happened at a better time.....  you can choose to become who you are meant to be because of the difficulties, or in spite of it. 

This time of year I am my most creative anyway, but having an artistic outlet as a way to move through my emotions, really amplifies what I create. I have begun some projects that I feel will really resonate with folks and hopefully will be a path to a new livelihood for me.... more on that later, for now I am so grateful for this new first-ever season of me

I am so grateful that today I am not crying because tomorrow is Monday and I have to tolerate yet another week of male chauvinistic behavior in the workplace (yes, that was a Sunday staple here, sadly). I am grateful that I didn't have to spend my Christmas week off playing catch-up on the farm, but rather enjoyed family, the farm, hanging with friends, and learning new things. I am grateful and that my own mama has offered nothing but tremendous continuing support in whatever I want to pursue in life.....  this morning that pursuit had me out in the pouring rain, walking dogs, and tending to farm animals...



....also I have posted these almost every time I've blogged about my (now former) place of employment because they are so spot-on and I caught myself changing my approach to several situations in order to be regarded as worthy of being heard. It still rings true for the women that are left there to deal with the Neanderthal way of thinking, but it also offers some humor....



I hope the new year continues to bring clarity for you, as it is for me. I am off to prepare a 'clean' vegetarian breakfast, and do a little art makin' that I am still perfecting... 

Rainy days might not be good for farm fun, but the indoor fun that can be had in the workshop are endless! Nothing like creating while a perfect little pibble (my Reece <3) snoozes peacefully nearby. 

Happy Sunday!

xoxo

-s



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