11.18.2018

Be Your Authentic Self!

All of you know I write about the good and the bad. I wrote about how I honestly felt during the traumatic period after losing my dad, and having to step in immediately to a parental role for my teenage sister, and not too long ago I wrote about the sadness that accompanies the volunteer work I am involved in at the county animal control.

I am pretty authentic here, and am glad to have this platform. I am not one person on the surface and another underneath. I am true, through and through, and sometimes my honesty hurts feelings, but my mama always said, "Sandi, sometimes the truth hurts the ones who need to hear it".... 
I believe she is right. 

In this instance, for some reason, I haven't talked much about this experience, because I oddly enough felt embarrassed for the other person in this story for being so threatened by me just because of ... well... current events, I guess and because it was overwhelmingly shocking, and I needed to decompress from the shock of it all, and try to make sense of something that I still cannot make sense of....

I am gonna start this off with a comical tone, because after the initial madness, I now think it is hilarious what some people give into when it come to absorbing the media's fear tactics.....




Now.......Imagine this.

You are a loyal, devoted, and trustworthy female manager at a local family owned company with around 25 employees, that you have been employed with for 17 years.

You babysat the owner's children when they were toddlers, and now, 4 of the 5 are away at college.

You stood up for a fellow employee years ago that was falsely accused of sexual assault. As a survivor of sexual assault yourself, and that being a known fact when speaking to the police, your testimony defending the employee led to the retraction of the accusation, and charges to be dropped.

You have never EVER thought twice about hopping into the car with your male boss for running errands, checking on business things outside of the office, because after knowing and working for this man and family for as long as you have, there is a sense of trust and security.

On November 5, 2018, all of that trust, and history between an employee and employer, went out of the window apparently....

The paranoia and fear that was plastered all over the internet, newspapers, and news networks, WORKED. The boss now feared the female manager - with zero grounds for this fear, aside from the blanketed and widespread paranoia the of the rhetoric that was everywhere...

In a meeting that was supposed to be between the female manager and the male boss (just like always for YEARS - a typical review over job description and responsibilities), another male manager was asked to sit in because the boss was uncertain about being alone in a room with the female manager. This other male was informed of this meeting hours earlier that morning, yet the female manager was only informed of needing a third party involved at the time of the meeting, which took place at 4pm. When she asked if she would be able to sit in on the meetings of the male managers while other reviews were conducted, she was informed this was his decision, he is the boss, and it has nothing to do with the other managers' meetings, and that it was because he needed to protect himself against being alone with a female at work.....

Can you imagine if the tables were turned how HE might have felt?

Imagine the same history, 
same loyalty, 
same two people, 
in the same positions, 
but with a spin on the fear.....

Imagine the female employee felt the need to call in a fellow worker to sit in on this job description/ responsibility review that is normally between the boss and the manager.... and cited that "with all the stuff in the news" she just didn't feel "safe" being alone with her male boss all of a sudden....

This female manager, having such history with her male boss, has never ever, once felt uncomfortable with this man. She has without any thought at all, hopped into his car hundreds of times, been alone in empty rental properties several times, when she most definitely wouldn't have done this, had she feared for her safety. When you are a survivor of sexual assault, you have a heightened sense of people's energy, and pick up on things that might present a threat. You know what made this female feel the most uncomfortable about this whole thing? 
Being behind closed doors with TWO men, because she was not to be trusted. 

Yes, after giving almost two decades of loyalty, and never doing anything to make the family feel uncomfortable, having the wife's birthday, their anniversary, and his birthday memorized, THIS was how she is now treated after the media's intent on instilling fear, worked! 
It shows how gullible some people are. And wouldn't the better option be to have a female sit in on the meeting with another female? Perhaps the wife?

Imagine that. 
Imagine that was you. Or your daughter, sister, or mother who had given this small family owned company almost two decades, and now had no one to go to within the company if she needed to... 

I mean are there any statistics that indicate false accusations are any more likely now than they were a year ago? Are there any stats to prove that women are more or less likely to get raped or sexually assaulted more now than they were BEFORE the Kavanaugh hearings (and yes, that is what sparked this fear ... obviously)....

The story posted above is a true story. About my life. My current situation. 

What is the answer here, people? This sudden loss of all credibility because I am a woman and suddenly men need to protect themselves from all women who are just waiting to falsely accuse all men of sexual assault, is very strange. I am not going to be scared of all men because they could potentially sexually assault me. That isn't reasonable or fair now, is it? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day after this meeting happened, I asked for a second meeting to explain how the whole thing made me feel and hurt my feelings (of course I called in the same male manager as to not make my boss feel insecure and vulnerable), as I just could not sit at my desk and pretend this whole thing didn't affect me. I wanted to know if I had ever done or said anything to make him feel uncomfortable in any way in my 17 years working for him. He apologized, said I hadn't ever made him feel uncomfortable before, but he still kept saying how he needed to protect himself and that how these days "anyone can make an accusation and have no shred of proof and ruin someone's life"....

Although he apologized, is it weird that I still feel unsettled by this whole thing?
 Like a line was crossed - that I can't and won't ever be able to go back to feeling like I did before the whole incident, and that if I cannot speak to him confidentially about matters, then he needs to hire someone that he is comfortable with, for me to be able to speak to. At this point, if I have any issues at work, I have no one to go to.

Please feel free to comment publicly or respond privately (there is a contact form on the left hand side of this page), however you choose. I would love to hear your thoughts, and possibly open up this conversation.....

one day at a time, right?

xo
-s

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