rainbows & unicorns...

Rainbows and unicorns.

I was informed that this is NOT what life is about. Actually it was a quote that I used to use,just to be sort of realistic about life - when things weren't so great, and it was thrown back in my face. It's no secret that after last year, I gained new perspective. I wasn't at all a pessimist before last year - quite the opposite actually, but maybe a little guarded and knew that along with the great things, a sour thing or two can follow. Back before my life was turned upside down in a flash and my mindset changed. It has been over a week since I last posted here and one of those reasons for my lack of writing was my pondering over this matter.

I will admit that most days I actually DO feel like my life is all rainbows and unicorns..... Yes, I know some of you will find that hard to believe, but it's true. Any of my close friends who have been around me in the last 8 months or so, will agree. Maybe it was when I was able to make Eddie a house dog.... Or maybe this happened when I started being able to connect with Rose. I hadn't given it too much thought until I was scolded last weekend by a friend that seemed to be in disbelief that my life could be so pleasant. She accused me of PRETENDING my life was so magical. Now, this is a friend that I have had to distance for various reasons for the last several months, but it did make me wonder... Am I pretending? I like to think I am a pretty straightforward gal. And have even been accused of being too blunt or brutally honest at times. I'm not really good at sugar coating, but also don't think this is a bad thing. I grew up hearing the saying 'the truth hurts' and if this is true of me, then yes, I am having a hard time swallowing.....

I talked to Christian about it, as well as my sister, and some other folks (because I pride myself on being open and upfront) and they reminded me that I was very open and honest about my struggles last year, difficulties I had with my sister, the loneliness I felt from being away from Christian and the sadness from losing Baby. I deserve freakin' rainbows and unicorns after last year, damnit!

I was given a very clear reminder yesterday when Facebook reminded me of a blog entry from one year ago, June 23, 2015. It was very clear that YES, I was struggling- even after being able to come home. There right in front of the world to see.....but another thing I noticed about my entry was that I was choosing to also acknowledge the little glimmers of hope. Some people cannot do that, but growing up the way me and my brother did, our mom instilled that little ray of light - the open road ahead of possibility -  into our little heads at a young age. Yeah, life isn't all rainbows and unicorns, but if that is what you are seeking, you can very well achieve it. It is all about perspective, and last year I was slapped in the face hard with changes that forced me into a new one.

I was wrong about a lot of things last year. Wrong about my sister for one. All of the really ugly times we had last year, I am seeing were due to her own journey in the grieving process. I mean, to be 15 is hard all by itself. Then imagine losing the most important person in your life in a split second. We both were 'dealing'. We both didn't understand each other's process. It didn't mean we didn't love each other and could count on each other, but our relationship had a lot of static and communication was choppy and unclear at times. Now, I am so proud to say that with time, we have healed.... And we can both look back on last year and chuckle at some of the things that were deal-breakers at the time.

I have chosen to surround myself with beauty. I have chosen to put in the hard work that pays me in the most beautiful ways out at the farm. Some days that is the prettiest sunset you've ever seen as a backdrop to the most stunning farm beauties! Some days it is finding a patch of wild blackberries and having a picking party with my sis and then making a pie. Most days seem to have some sort of treasure to be seen. Some days I have to look really hard for it, others not so much. My sister has been spending lots of time with me 'working' on the farm this summer and she will even tell ya that it really isn't like work at all and it is actually fun to bond over breaking up piles of horse poo and yard work- these are the things my dad would be including her in.... It's fun for both of us and we get to figure out life through conversations and laughter while sweating and rolling up our sleeves.....

So yeah, life isn't ALL rainbows and unicorns, but it can be damn near close if that's what you want. Your outlets in life do actually define your level of happiness in my opinion. That is why they are outlets. They provide a release from stress and any uncertainty. That turns into happy for me. It's a cycle. Without the opportunity to do what you love, your mental and emotional state will suffer. Whatever you think of me, whether you know me personally or just through the blog, I hope it is obvious that my little slice of heavenly farm does make me truly happy. I like to think that it is evident in the photos of my animals even. I do believe that whether you have cats or dogs or horses and goats, whatever their temperament is, however skittish or content they seem, IS a reflection of the care they are receiving and my crew is pretty happy without a doubt! I love pretty much every minute of it. Except when Rose pitches a fit for hoof trimming....then it's a little embarrassing, but I can too see why she is the way she is ;)

Long story long, I walked away from the almost 10 year friendship mentioned in the beginning of this post. With the year I had last year, I really truly do not have time for unnecessary drama and negativity in my life. Life can be snatched away in an instant, and I want to fill my days with rainbows and unicorns if possible- and I will never, ever stop reaching for that!

Happy Friday y'all! Please feel free to tell me your thoughts.....

Xoxo!

-s