Last night Christian and I were watching TV (pretty sure it was something cheesy like 'Below Deck') when he gave me one of those new Snickers bars with the funny labels...Mine read "Impatient". He was like, "That is what you are" (said with a smirk), so I started singing "Patience" by Guns N' Roses and then it dawned on me that I had totally forgotten to tell him about the Guns N' Roses reunion tour for 2016 that someone told me about last week. I have been on cloud nine since I heard about it! Eeeeek! I went to pull it up on my phone because Christian was in disbelief that Izzy and Steven would do it, and there before my very own eyes was the sad, sad, devastating news.... Christian was right. I was almost in tears and soooooo upset over this. He was laughing and asking me why in the world I thought it would be original line-up, and I said, "Because I just knew that with the year I had, an original lineup reunion tour made sense!" Like I said, I was almost in tears, but his laughing got me to a better place and I started singing like Axl and going "Yowza", etc. and in that moment it hit me that Christian and I have been together 16 years and I still have the best times with him... Picture this: Me in the floor with my eyes watering all because I wanted so badly to see the original Guns N' Roses next year, Christian laughing in disbelief that I could possibly be this upset over the news that Izzy and Steven would not be performing with them, then we trade our own GNR stories from way back when, and then just a lot of ahhhhhh-eeeeeeeeahhhhhhh-yowza's and laughter. It made me feel like a kid again, and for that, I am SOOOOOO thankful that we can still do this silly stuff together and that our relationship has not gone stale.... That being said, now let me tell you about the last 16 years....
The ancient year of 1999, Christian and I started on a journey....one that taught us both a lot of lessons in life, one that helped us to grow into the tight badass duo we now are... We had crossed each others paths at friends houses, on the sidewalk, at parties, etc., and even had a lot of the same friends, but Thanksgiving of 1999 was the beginning of something more real than I had ever experienced. We were all having a 'Friendsgiving' before it was even a thing. Before it was a hip gathering. Before it even had a name. It was Thanksgiving with friends. Most of my friends at the time had families pretty far away (because they were just in Athens for school), so it makes a perfect opportunity to still celebrate and be thankful, but in a different way....
Everyone was involved in preparing the food, we had turkey, mashed potatoes, and all the other goodies...
We played piano, sang songs, and everyone had a blast that came - it was a house-full and Christian and I actually got to know each other more than just the random passing and smile on the sidewalk, brush against at a party, or car-ride with friends to a movie.... I knew my heart never fluttered this way, and this had to be the real thing. Thanksgiving of 1999 we first kissed..... A year later we moved in together, and over the years have lived in several rental homes in the city. Today we live just outside the city in the beautiful country on a dirt road and are surrounded by lush land and my little menagerie on about 10 acres. I don't know that I could be happier. We have had so many good times and bad, and survived it because we wanted to. Either one of us could have walked away so easily seeing as we are not married, but we CHOSE to make it work. That is quite a testament of our love and looking back, it means so so much to me and how our lives are now.
I love Christian so much and appreciate the patience he has had with me (soooooo much patience) and he understands that I have the same patience with him (unless I am being 'impatient'). I have learned a ton in the 16 years we have shared.... Committing yourself to someone for the long haul, whether married or not, means you better be prepared to put in the work. Relationships are often mistaken for something that people share or that they have, and I too at the ripe ol' age of 23 believed this as well. It wasn't until a few years in, that I started to realize that a relationship has to be watered, fed, nurtured - anything living does! A relationship is something that you want to constantly grow, and evolve, otherwise you have something that just goes stagnant and stale...
Here are a few things I have learned about building a lasting relationship....
- dance. sing. dance. sing. dance. We constantly have music playing in the house. It is so easy to just break out a move while cooking and even cleaning, really. I have no real rhythm or moves, so dancing and singing brings me to the next thing on the list as well......
- laugh. A LOT. I also like to refer to this one as 'ab work'. Laughing not only heals the soul, but if strengthens the core!
- have your own things going on. For instance, I have my farm stuff and my sewing that Christian has ZERO interest in, and he has his music! Works out beautifully! We have our own interests, but also really look forward to watching our shows together, going to movies, etc.
- it's OK to go to bed angry. Sometimes when you wake up, it's easier to 'turn the other cheek' - the issue may have worked itself out or vanished altogether... if not, you will both be better equipped to communicate things through after a good night's sleep and some fresh coffee..
- try new things together. We are both not too keen on meeting new people, going to potlucks, things of that nature, BUT this year we have actually been trying a lot of new things - venturing out of the usual boundaries that we set for ourselves. Meeting new people, making new friends, saying 'yes' to more than we would have even just a year ago.
- ALWAYS have each other's back. Remember you are on the same team. This year was extremely tough for our relationship with my dad passing, Baby passing (she was very much like our child and we loved her so much), the financial stress of my car crapping out on me AFTER I had already spent close to $4,000 this year alone, me not really being around for the six months after my dad passing due to his place being two hours away, dealing with estate things, keeping my sister in school where she was until the summer - there was a ton of things that put stress on our relationship, but Christian had my back, supported me when I needed it, and we came out of it feeling stronger than we had in years...
So those are what I believe are the most important things that have kept our relationship in check. I claim to be no expert on anything, but these have worked for me and I am passing on my knowledge! Here's to at least 16 more years with my redhead (I will be a cool ripe old age of 55! whoop!)!!!
Hooray! Wonderful post!
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